Holy Hurt

Overview

There's so much I want to say about this book and even more ways I want to express how it was meaningful to me.

It was challenging. It was encouraging. It was insightful and educational. Ultimately, it was hopeful.

Details

Rating

I give this book 5/5 stars: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Challenge

First and foremost, I'd say that Holy Hurt is not a self-help book and not really a feel good book either.

It's a book that gently yet confidently opens the door to readers to understand and process their own spiritual trauma, while simultaneously raising a bold call to reform from religious systems. It goes way beyond what you'd expect from an unremarkable self-help book. It's honest. It's personal. It's well researched. It does not shy away from the hard conversations.

No matter where you are spirituality, I'm confident you will be challenged by this book in one form or another.

Gentleness

Even though the content can be challenging at times, I appreciate how Hillary so gently invites the reader to engage at the level of their comfort, and continually reminds them of this throughout the book.

At various points in the book, I found my mind drifting towards resistance as I returned back to old narratives that I had previously learned. I accepted the invitation to pause and put the book down, and only then could I do what the book was inviting me into: Greater connectedness with myself, experiencing the grief that was coming up, and going through it to see the other side.

Remember to go as slow as you need, and be kind to yourself on the journey as grief comes up.

My Background

I grew up in a Protestant Christian tradition that teaches: People are bad at the core, deserving of eternal separation from God, or to put it another way, people are mere "sinners in the hands of an angry God." During my adolescence, throughout college, and as a young adult professional, I did not realize how deeply this negative belief about myself was truly affecting me. Only recently over the last few years have I been unlearning this negative and harmful belief.

This book presents a different way forward:

You are good. You were born good. Your core self is inherently good.

If you grew up similarly to me, you may struggle with this key theme and idea. If this is you, I urge you to at the very least consider the argument Hillary is presenting here as an equally justified one.

Book Structure

I wanted to also mention that I really liked the structure of this book.

It reads somewhere in the middle between academic, clinical, and casual. It presents research and evidence based context, while simultaneously being approachable, deeply kind, and practical.

I came to really appreciate how Hillary balanced the evidence from her research with tangible practices and stories from real people at the end of each chapter.

Versatility

I also appreciate the versatility of this book and how it can be used.

One of the themes in the book is how we are invited into witnessing each other's grief collectively, and how that can contribute to a greater collective renewal in our communities.

Holy Hurt can be read individually, like I did, but I see tremendous value in it being used as a resource for people to read together as well. Whether that's in a clinical setting by a therapist, or a church seeking to understand how to create more healthy spiritual environments, this is an incredible resource to be used to process with others.

Recommendation

There are a few people I would recommend this book. This book is for you if you have spiritual trauma, want to understand spiritual trauma better, or are seeking to be a witness to the grief of spiritual trauma among friends, neighbors, clients, and your community.

Disclaimers

• I am grateful to have received an advance copy of Holy Hurt through NetGalley, and I participated in the book's launch team group.
• I also participated in a research study/process group in 2024 – led by the Spiritual First Responders Project – where Hillary was the group facilitator. A few of the topics in the book were discussed in that research study/process group. I want to make it explicit that my participation in that research study/process group and my reading of this book are not tied together. While my participation in that research study/process group is a lens through which I did read the book, I stand by my words here in full aside from my participation in that group. I did my best to write an honest review based on the contents of the book itself.
• I was not compensated for my participation in either of these contexts, as it was fully voluntary.